Part Two: Unexpected: Benicio's Birth Story

This is the last picture on my phone before Benicio was born. It was taken by our friend Rachel. We didn't take any pictures the next day because we didn't expect anything.

October 28

I woke up at 9:30 pm feeling a little gush. I went to the bathroom thinking my water had broken. I had been slowly losing my mucus plug so I think it may just have been the last bit. I went back to bed and tried to relax. I'd been told and read several times that losing it was not necessarily a sign that labor was going to start soon - I knew it could still be days or weeks. I hoped he could wait just a couple more days since our midwife was out of town until Monday night. I laid in bed hugging my pregnancy pillow trying to push out all these worries when my stomach started to hurt again like it did the night before. I got up thinking I just had to go to the bathroom again and went to our guest bathroom. I didn't think I was in labor because the pain I was feeling was continuous. And there was supposed to be a start and stop to contractions, right? Something told me I needed to stay hydrated and I grabbed a water bottle. The pain didn't feel like the contractions I'd read about and my stomach didn't feel tight. I thought maybe it was just something I ate. I paced around the house, tried to do some yoga, questioned myself if I was in labor and kept telling myself it was something else.

October 29

Then I realized it was 2 am. I'd been pacing around drinking water trying to convince myself this was just a stomachache for four hours. I was nervous it was too early. I was only 36 weeks. Midwives normally only do home births at 37 weeks. I went into our bedroom to wake Bobby and he was already sitting up. I blurted out what was happening along with an "I think we need to call the doula. But I don't know. I'm not sure. Yeah. We do. Maybe. I'm going to lay down and see if that helps." From here I entered a mini panic. I needed someone to tell me that I was in labor. When I laid down the pain got worse. Bobby suggested I get on the yoga ball. I sat on it and told him I was freezing. I felt achy. He warmed up a towel and wrapped me up in it. All of a sudden I felt nauseous. This wasn't working I told him. I went back to lay down in bed. He called Jill, our doula, and explained to her what was happening and then put me on the phone. It was at this point, I realized the pain was so great I could barely talk. It still felt constant and I couldn't feel a start/stop to it. I gave the phone back to Bobby and she told him we were having a baby. It was go time.

I was in a bit of shock that it was happening. Everything was happening so fast - I'd been preparing for a long, marathon labor this whole time. Bobby cleared out our bedroom and started to setup the birth pool. Jill got to our house at about 2:30 am and said the backup midwife was on her way - and that this midwife wanted me to go to the hospital since I was only 36 weeks. But. Since our midwife said that based off my prenatal care and healthy record, she would let me labor and deliver at home if she were here - this midwife was going to as well. I told Jill I couldn't read the contractions and that I felt the nauseous feeling was my body telling me to start pushing. She said I had to wait until the midwife got there - this was the hardest thing ever. She told me to focus on my breathing and turned to Bobby to say there wasn't going to be enough time to fill the pool - the baby would be here before we could fill it.

At this point, I closed my eyes and didn't open them again until the end. I realized I needed to turn inward and focus. I was letting my brain carry me away and I needed to listen to my body. 

The midwife got to our house at around 3 am and I was rocking on the bed breathing through the contractions. They started to become clearer and I was able to decipher when there was a surge - which came with an incredible urge to push. I quickly asked if they were ready for me to start pushing - they gave me the ok and with my first push my water broke. This was at about 3:30 am. I pushed for a good hour. Grunting loudly and sweating more than I have ever sweat. Using Bobby and my doula to balance squatting. It didn't feel like I was making any progress. I could tell the midwife was getting frustrated. She was concerned with the strain and that the baby's heart rate might start to drop. She thought maybe my pelvis was too small and the baby was getting stuck. At about 4:30 am she said we needed to start thinking about going to the hospital. We didn't want to argue so Bobby quickly packed our bags and started to get the car ready. The midwife stepped out to call another midwife and Jill stayed in the room with me while she called Brenda, my midwife. I could hear everything around me but I wasn't scared. 

I kept my eyes closed. And thought to myself. The scenario of a woman's pelvis is extremely rare. And further, the baby would have to be a considerable size. Since I was only 36 weeks, I doubted he weighed more than 8 pounds. I weighed almost 8 pounds and my mom delivered me vaginally so I wasn't going to buy that idea. Then I thought, if we go to the hospital that means I need to get off this bed, get dressed, walk to the car, sit in the car, walk into the hospital, wait for a room - and you get the point. I realized - this baby was not waiting. 

So, I unleashed. I somehow found the last remnants of strength within me and started pushing silently as hard as I possibly could. The midwife realized what I was doing and when she checked the baby had already moved down and his heart rate was doing fine. Bobby came back in after loading the car and warming it up and quickly came by side when he saw what was happening. (He later told me he had a feeling we weren't going to the hospital.) As the baby's head started to come out the midwife noticed he had the cord around his neck with his right arm tucked under it. That's what was blocking him. She was able to slip the cord and tuck his arm back so that with the next push his whole body came out. It was 5:03 am. I felt an immediate relief. They laid him on my chest - he was purple and covered in vernix - I was in complete awe. How was this person just inside me? He seemed huge and tiny all at once and so helpless. We were covered with warm towels and he gradually started to pink up and let out a glorious cry that I am now so familiar and in love with. Here was my baby. I knew it was a boy the moment I saw him but realized we needed to confirm. I held him up and confirmed. A boy. The boy I had dreamt about when I found out I was pregnant. Our first child. Benicio. 7 pounds, 20 inches long. Perfect. He was ready to come out into the world.

It's true that the moment you see your baby you fall in love and are overcome with so many emotions. What I didn't expect was to fall in love in a whole new way with Bobby. In that moment, watching him also fall in love with Benicio and realizing our lives would never be the same and not feeling scared but comforted. He's always been my anchor. His calm presence through the labor kept me from panicking. We've changed so much yet it feels normal. Natural.