Do it with love

As I mentioned previously, I've started my journey towards becoming a certified yoga instructor. The thought of getting in front of a room and teaching people is definitely nerve wrecking but then I remember why I want to and I continue. It's been very interesting so far - definitely a heavy self study but great motivation to improve yourself and to become stronger. Part of the class involves journaling and depending on the topic I may post them here. So, here it goes:

Growing up my mom used to always remind us to do everything with love. It didn't matter how young we were - she reminded us constantly to care. I would be helping her in the kitchen and stir a pot sending food all over the stove and she’d say, “Do it with love!” I would help her water plants and water would spill everywhere and she’d repeat, “Do it with love!” If I was doing something even more carelessly, she would add “If you’re not going to do it with love, don’t do it.” I never really gave those words much thought and I never really knew what she meant. But those words ring in my ears every day now. When I’m washing the dishes, when I’m doing laundry, when I come to my mat - am I doing it all with love or am I doing it just to get to the next step? Am I being in the present moment or am I letting myself get lost in thought. Thinking about how I need to wash the dishes, do the laundry, go to the store - all these thoughts about things that in the end don’t really matter. I realize I get caught up in feeling like I need to "do do do" that I forget to just be.

I often have to remind myself of this during practice and daily. For me these words are so important because they not only remind me to be present but they also remind that I need to be respectful to my body and to those around me. I feel strange as I’m returning to my mat after having a baby. In some ways I feel like I’m starting all over again because my body has changed so much physically and emotionally. I have to take the time to rebuild my strength and come to terms with the fact that it’s going to take me a minute to get back to where I was - but I know that will and I’ll move beyond that. I just need to stop worrying about the fact that I can’t do it now and be present in what I’m doing today.

When I was getting ready to leave for my first day of teacher training, I started crying. I was overwhelmed with emotion. I started to feel guilty. I started to feel sad. Bobby started laughing. Not in a mean way. Somehow it was sweet. It lightened the mood. It made me laugh and feel silly for crying. He reminded me that I had to keep going. This is what we had been working towards. This was the decision that we had made together. I’m choosing this path because yoga makes me happy and it makes me a better person. I’m choosing this path because I want to change our lifestyle to one of love to build our foundation. Now more than ever I feel ready. I feel excited and motivated. And I'm going to do it with love.