Year One

I understand why moms recount their birth stories each birthday. It's an unbelievable experience. You've grown this little human, then you get some pains - then sometimes in a flash, sometimes it takes longer - there's a human. Alive, outside of you. Every mom has their own unique birth story. And each story tells a beautiful journey. They're their own genre. Their own adventure tale about how a woman is transformed into a mother. Whether it be the first or second or whatever. Each birth garners it's own awe and beauty. 

Every chance I get, I tell Benicio's birth story because to me it was a fun experience. Something I look forward to and hope to experience again. And again. And maybe again? It's the story of how we went from wandering around the world to two parents with a purpose. My life has been filled with so much love and happiness. With all the craziness in the world, I have my home. My nest. My loves to keep me warm and to motivate and guide me. To lead with love. 

A year ago Benicio was born. At 5:03 am. I became a mother. I was at once no longer myself yet still unchanged. I'm still me. He was born and there was no stopping the change. I remember laying on our bed. Eyes closed. I remember it so clearly. I remember the pain. Life giving pain. And then I remember this feeling of "now is the time". I feel like I may have pushed only a few more times and he was here. Like I needed to take a moment to pause - let my body guide him further and then it was time to push. I remember when they placed him in my arms and he didn't cry right away. He let out the sweetest, tiniest gasp then melted onto my chest. But we wanted a cry. They needed to hear a strong cry from him to ensure his lungs were strong. So I pinched his bottom. And cry he did, haha. Almost instantly he latched and thankfully we never had a problem. I had the home birth and little boy I'd dreamed of all along. I've nourished him from my body - and continue. It's truly amazing what our bodies are capable of doing.

Sometimes I have to remind myself I'm a mother. Not in the sense that I forget Benicio or I don't behave like a bother. It's hard to explain. I'm still me - but I'm a mom. Like OMG I'm a mom! I get to be a mother. That's such a gift. I have this sweet little boy to guide and teach him about the world. And I'm learning from him. To take a happier approach to life. Starting with a smile. Always a smile. To be positive. 

Happy birthday, my sweet baby.