How Moana Helped Me

As a parent and a person.

When we got back from our camping trip, Luna immediately asked if we could watch Moana - everyone screamed NOO!

We admittedly were a little tired of it.

She patiently waited till Monday when Benicio was back in school and I let her watch it for the umpteenth time.

SPOILERS AHEAD

(Can we take a moment to pause and recognize that I majored in Film Studies: Body Genres and today I am writing about Moana...k, thank you, Hope Scholarship.)

So, as the movie came to its climax where Moana realizes that Te Ka is in fact Te Fiti and she sings:

This is not who you are

You know who you are

Who you truly are

I had a moment. (I always do at this part.) I have a lot of moments in the movie. But anyways. After Te Fiti's heart was stolen she became consumed with anger - an anger that manifested itself in fire and destruction. She felt betrayal and was consumed by it. She had let her emotions consume her. And then Moana comes alone and she's like HEY remember you're like this badass ALL POWERFUL GODDESS OF LIFE. And she's like you're right and flexes her muscles busting out of the lava and magma back into her beautiful, green self.

So, back to real life. 

Last night, Benicio was having a meltdown - Te Ka. My goal has been to equip my kids with tools to accept those feelings and cope - recognize that having all these emotions and feelings is normal and ok - and finding ways on how to cope and manage them. All the feelings.

It's been a learning process for all of us. I've pulled so much of it from my yoga teacher training - which I am forever grateful to Tough Love for giving me that gift.

Back to meltdown. It was escalating. Bobby took Luna out of the room and I sat down on the couch with him. Giving him space. Letting him be angry. Giving him time till I felt he was ready to let me talk. In those situations I put myself in his place. I remember being a child and feeling like I had no control over my feelings. The more someone said stop crying, stop being sad/angry the more it fed those feelings. (As a side note, Bobby and I definitely alternate - on who is the parent to take this role and its all about feeling who is more currently tuned in and open it. Being open and listing to your own intuition. Because if I'm tired and feeling impatient, I'm not going to help.)

Once he was to the point where we could talk, I asked him:

Do you feel like your anger takes over your body? Yes

Do you feel like you can't control it? Sometimes

Does it make you think mad thoughts? No - sad

Did you know you can control your thoughts? (Seems like a dumb question but when you're in it you sometimes forget you can change that path) Here I started talking about how Te Fiti let her anger control her and she turned into Te Ka (him mad because Luna broke one of his toys and going into a meltdown). We talked about how it is normal to get angry, feel angry - but let's work to not let ourselves be controlled by our anger.

So next we took some breaths together, we cuddled, and then we started talking about all the things that make him feel happy - jumping off tall things, running in an open field, seeing each other in the morning, feeling the sun shining on your face - and more cuddles.

All of this took place in maybe ten minutes. Its hard because every time it happens you don't always have the space and time - or help from someone else to watch the other child to focus on the one who needs more attention. But my goal and hope is that eventually, he will be able to recognize when these feelings start and he can start going through it on his own - stopping to check his breath, laying down and thinking those happy thoughts. Taking a moment to reset.

What are some tools/tips you wish you had as a kid? Or what have you found as an adult helps you cope with your feelings?